When Is Surprise Anal Ever Okay?

The answer is "NEVER" but humor us.  The Internet has been set ablaze with yet another argument about sex and sexuality.  This time, the argument centers around the back door and how to use it properly. When one prominent magazine put it out here that it might be okay to enter said door without express permission, the Internet got very angry. As far as most are concerned, when it comes to anal, your penis is like a vampire, it cannot enter without clear and deliberate vocal permission. Otherwise, you’re simply not welcome. When is surprise anal ever okay? We find out.

Well, is it? Let us know in the comments! 

Article. Julieanne Smolinksi is a writer for television and magazines who recently penned an article for GQ about anal sex and how to go about initiating it. Yet another article written for GQ in the UK focused specifically on how to ask for anal sex.

Butt play today. Smolinski started her article by discussing anal sex in today’s world. "All of this was once reserved for birthday sex, but now it’s barely taboo. Which is great, because butt play is lots of fun and one of the few kinks you can try without using Craigslist.”

4 reasons. Smolinski posts that there are four reasons why women avoid anal sex all together: 1. They think their butt is dirty, 2. They think it’s gay, 3. They’re intimidated, 4. They don’t know how to ask.

Just try it. Smolinksi mused that since it’s a turn off to ask for such things during sex, you might as well feel your way around. Alternatively, you can nonverbally imply that you’d like to explore the general area, and see how she responds. "Maybe drift south while going down on her, or move her hands toward your ass-end and see if she responds positively.”

Consent. To be fair, Smolinksi was very clear that consent is nesccesary in this circumstance: "We’re talking enthusiastic 'Yes, yes, yes!' levels of consent. That’s a green light to see if she’d like to go further, via sacking up and telling her what you’d like to do to her or that you think it’d be pretty grand if she’d reciprocate in kind."

How to ask. However, sex expert and sex party hostess Sarah Jane Banahan then wrote an article about how to ask for anal sex that really set people off. She began, “Women like to be surprised. I read somewhere recently that now it is more respectful to 'initiate' to your partner beforehand about wanting to try anal sex via text message, or phone call. Oh please! How about a slight whisper in the ear while you penetrate your women, isn’t that just a little more erotic? Surely that's the point of good ol’ naughty, dirty sex?”

New vagina. In terms of controversy, Banahan did not pull any punches in her article. She doesn’t just say that anal is no longer taboo, she took it a few steps further, writing, "Apparently it is becoming as popular as vaginal sex. So much so it's been said that 'anal is the new pussy.’"

Initiating. Banahan prescribes a very direct approach when it comes to broaching the subject of anal sex: "Make her feel like the sexiest woman alive - undress her slowly, kiss her, tell her quietly you are going to penetrate her from behind then rub your penis over her anus first just to tease, so she can prepare herself in anticipation, then slowly push the tip inside her.”

No. In all fairness, Banahan did write directly after that to remember that “no means no.” She even spent the next paragraph explaining how to read non-verbal cues. Nonetheless, bloggers weren’t pleased.

Reactions. Here, Banan describes how a man should know to keep going and to stop. "In the early stages you may not be able to go as deep as you like without lubrication, but once she's acclimatized she'll arch her back and let you go into her a little more. Reach around to feel her getting wetter the deeper and the more comfortable you both are, and adjust your speed accordingly, playing with her so that you climax at the same time.”

Backlash. The backlash from journalists and sex bloggers online was significant. For the Independent, Natasha Preskey wrote, "since when was it kinky to shut your partner out from your sexual desires, or erotic not to bother with consent until you’re already trying to penetrate someone's anus for the first time? And, on a practical note, what about lube? If making even the smallest mention to your partner of your desire for anal sex is so tedious, then perhaps you should question why you’re so keen to do it in the first place.”

Study. The Independent article doesn’t bash anal sex itself at all. In fact, they site a study conducted by the National Survey of Health and Behaviour that showed a significant rise in the amount of women having anal sex and that 94 percent of the women surveyed stated that they achieved orgasm when having anal sex. However they also point out that this study only comprised 31 women.

Coercion. On the other hand, they also cite a study from the London School of Hygiene. The study surveyed teenagers and found what they call “a trend of normalized coercion.” They found that for many of these young women, their experiences with anal were less about mutual exploration than guys just trying it to see if they can pull it off.

Consent. Another telling study cited by the Independent found that college students believed that a person simply not saying “no” was sufficient consent. While that was only true for 18 percent of those surveyed, its still significant.

The public. Numerous other media outlets lashed out against the GQ piece. Meanwhile, a recent Reddit post seems to represent the split on the subject. A poster recently described the experience of this so-called “surprise anal.” Commenting on it after the fact she wrote, "The following day, whenever I thought of it, I felt myself blush and get butterflies. But there's still a part of me that's really conflicted about everything. I'm starting to feel somewhat violated about him not asking me an just going in, but obviously my blushing and stuff says I enjoyed it on some level, right?"