The concept of a straight guy falling in love with another man might seem completely contradictory. A man-loving straight guy sounds a lot like an oxymoron; however, it's not. Men who identify as straight have, in fact, fallen in love with their male best friends. How is that possible? Doesn't that mean they're gay or bisexual? Not necessarily. Who we love is much more complex than a label. A bromance knows no boundaries, and the heart wants what the heart wants.
Mike Iamele's story. Author Mike Iamele shared his personal experience as a straight man who fell in love with his straight male best friend on mindbodygreen.com Iamele, who came down with a life-threatening illness, began to see his best friend in a new light after his condition gave him a new perspective on life.
Mike and Garrett. "I’ve always prided myself on being open. I’ll try any new therapy or modality or New Age idea — and, believe me, I’ve tried them all. I’ve done the self-work. I’ve found myself. I’ve even practiced my affirmations. I knew who I was, without a doubt. That’s why I found myself in unfamiliar territory when I — the open guy, the figured out guy, the unquestionably straight guy — realized that I was in love with my best friend, a man. A man I had known for seven years. A man I had never before even thought of in a romantic way. But, there I was, in love.Only it didn’t start out as love. See, two summers ago, I came down with a mysterious illness. Not the common cold kind. Not even the achy back kind. This was the kind where you vomit massive amounts of blood throughout the day. The kind where doctors pass you from specialist to specialist. The kind where you’re bent over in pain with tears in your eyes."
How their relationship changed. Mike explained how conflicted and confused he was about Garrett. He identified as straight, and yet, he was drawn to Garrett on a romantic, emotional and intimate level. "And it all came down to this moment — one moment when he was cooking me dinner, and he looked over and smiled at me. I knew this was it. This was the moment where I had to decide if I could allow myself to love a man against everything I had previously known about myself. This was the moment when I had to decide if I was going to take a step forward into this crazy idea of telling my best friend that I loved him."
The realization. Reddit user myloveisathrowaway also shared his experience when he realized he was attracted to another man. “Maybe it’s just because the only other people I’ve had this much physical contact with are women, but I’ve often wondered what it would be like if we just started making out, because that just feels like what’s supposed to happen next whenever we hug. But what would happen if it went further than that? Would I like it? Would I stop it?”
Something just doesn't feel right. Reddit user fly_idol described being unhappy in a relationship with a woman and wanting to try something new. "I'm a 24 year old guy. All my life I've thought of myself as straight. I liked girls. I dated girls. The whole shabang. I had been in a relationship with a girl for a little over 2.5 years until we broke up around September of 2014. I was the one who ended the relationship. I just wasn't feeling it. I felt like things were stagnating and that they weren't moving in the right direction. Simply put, it just didn't feel right anymore. I'm not sure if it ever did feel right, but that's a whole different story."
GranolaGuy. Reddit user GranolaGuy also had the experience of falling for another straight guy. "Last month my best friend came to visit me for a weekend. We don’t get to see each other all that often seeing as how we are both away at college now. Every time we catch up it is like no time has passed us up and we are able to pick up right where we left off. Although we text and snap chat every single day without skipping a beat spending quality time together is far more significant to us. Anyways as soon as my friend got to my apartment he greeted me with an affectionate hug. I had no plans in motion for the weekend other than going with the flow of things. It was my first down weekend since I started dating this girl about a month ago, so I needed some time just to relax and enjoy sometime with my mate. We went and grabbed a bite to eat and caught a movie after. In between all of this we cut up, told stories, and you know did the typical friend things. More so than usual we threw in a few homosexual jokes and possibly overexercised some ass grabbing."
GranolaGuy, continued. "Later that night when we got back to my apartment we cracked open a couple of brews and watched some Netflix. My friends became insistent on taking a shot. One shot turned into 4 and couple of mixed drinks. Around 11pm we were both feeling a buzz and got a little more affectionate and open with one another. We were talking about things we had not discussed before and it opened a realm of emotion I hadn’t felt for him before."
Surprising himself. "I don't know where exactly to post this. I'm a traditionally heterosexual guy, only dated and slept with women. My porn is almost exclusively lesbian/heterosexual. I haven't really wondered what it's like to experiment with a man before, although like everyone I've run it through my mind a couple times to see how it feels. I've been in a relationship for the last five years, but we broke up over the summer. I'm trying not to get into anything new, and just enjoy my time in the city as a single guy for the first time as an adult. I've slept with a few women since the break up, been on a dozen dates or so. All casual." Source: Reddit user wellhowboutthat13.
I have no idea what this means for my sexuality. Reddit user wellhowboutthat13 continues, "all of this is just so weirdly exciting. I left the house this morning a heterosexual man who never really entertained the idea of being with another man, and returned with a date set up with a handsome man who's coming over to my apartment to cuddle and a watch a movie!. What?! And I'm weirdly way more excited than the dates I've been on with women since my break up. I have no idea if I'll sleep with him on Friday or what (I don't know the first thing about having gay sex, honestly, so if anybody here has tips, I'm all ears/eyes), but I'm just excited to see him again. I have no idea what this means for me or my sexuality, but I'm a little nervous and kind of pumped for possibly a new chapter in my life. I've been thinking about it, and I would be totally open to dating and falling in love with a man, if there's a connection like this. I just never knew that I was capable of having one. men were always just buddies to me, you know?"
Heartbreak. Of course, not all bromances end perfectly. In response to another Reddit user's post about hooking up with a straight guy, lycanthrowrug posted "that reads very close to what happened to me in terms of the emotional trajectory. My story ended differently because he decided, after many months of our trying to figure out this strange grey area, that he couldn't go down that road with me (his words). Yesterday was his birthday, and he and his wife are expecting a baby soon."
sandiego22. Reddit user sandiego22 also wound up getting hurt, "this is exactly how I felt with my former great friend and roommate, except at the time I had previously experimented with guys and was questioning my sexuality. Didn't go so well when I told him I had caught feelings..."
Skeptical. Not everyone is convinced that two straight men can be in love with each other. Reddit user drudicta wrote "'Straight'. Once you get to lip kissing it's gay, promise. However I don't see this being specified. So they are like... totes best buds? Because that's what it sounds like. Yeah, they best buds. I wish I still had best buds
The aversion to labels. Reddit user codystuart made an interesting point about the aversion to labels. "I understand the aversion to labels, but this seemed more like a hegemony/power thing. 'I'm so straight, that i can be in a longterm loving relationship with a man and it's still not gay/bi/queer (read: lessor)'. because they're both still straight, everyone should get behind it and support it because the subjects of the piece 'get it'. The lack of explanation of sexual behaviors also contributes to the belittling of non-straight sex by painting a picture of a 'pure' relationship that doesn't acknowledge sex as a potential component to a long term relationship, even if unintentional. This story ultimately supports a binary where (socially) identified straight men have more legitimate experiences than people who do not."
Denial. Reddit user the_real_deal was also skeptical. "Yeah that's how I saw it too, like one step forward for publicly describing their feelings but one step back for not acknowledging what that means about who they are. Ain't nobody got time for all those mental gymnastics. This looks like self-inflicted bi-erasure to me, I think acceptance and acknowledgement of bi people - both within the straight and gay world - may be possibly the final step towards moving from a binary to a fluid conception of sexual orientation and attraction which seems to more accurately represent what's going on in people's heads."
Authentic self. Regardless of labels, people evolve and relationships change. We are free to love who we love, as long as we are being true to ourselves. Have a bromantic weekend.
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