7 Absolutely Necessary Talks for A Good Sex Life

When you're dating someone that you really like, doesn't it seem like you have almost an endless stream of topics to discuss? The conversations can just last forever. And there are certainly taboo things that maybe shouldn't be discussed. It was Hall and Oates who sang, "Some things are better left unsaid." These particular topics, however, do not qualify. Here are 7 absolutely necessary talks for a good sex life.What's something you feel is necessary to discuss with your significant other? Let us know in the comments.

The Test History Conversation. Sexual history, though difficult to talk about, is a very important thing to discuss. Don’t save yourself from having an uncomfortable conversation at the expense of contracting an STD. Laura Berman, Ph.D., suggests leading by example.

Me, then you. Berman suggest saying something like, “I’ve been tested since I slept with someone last — what about you?” This approach will keep the conversation light and airy. Men’s Fitness writes that you don’t need to disclose the number of people you’ve slept with, just share your clean bill of health.

The Turn-Ons (And Turn-Offs) Conversation. You would actually be stunned to find out how many people don’t discuss these things with their partner. It’s one of the most important keys to a healthy sex life. Again, this is another conversation that might be difficult, but the alternative is much worse.

Timing. When you’re having conversations about what you don’t like in the bedroom, try to avoid having them in the moment. Berman says that having those conversations in the moment creates a vulnerable environment, and that leading with the positive is a good play. Author of "Cheat On Your Husband (With Your Husband)," Andrea Syrtash suggests offering an alternative because it allows you to share something that turns you on, while at the same time, giving voice to something that doesn’t.

The Frequency Conversation. Or “How much do you want it?” It’s important to be aware of how much your partner wants to have sex, and how that meshes (or doesn’t) with how much you want to have sex. “If you want it every day,” Berman says, “and she wants it once a month, that’s going to be a problem.”

Sex schedule. The best way to maintain a healthy sex life is to make sure you have time to share together. Berman says that while it seems mechanical and unsexy, sharing a sex schedule can help to assure you share an intimate sexual experience at least twice a week, which she recommends.

The Fantasy Conversation. A judgement free zone is conducive to exploration, obviously. You should listen, regardless of whether what you hear is your fantasy or not. Allowing there to be a space where you and your partner can give voice to these fantasies is necessary.

Creative compromise. Men’s Fitness suggests a solution to the problem of one partner loving something that the other isn’t crazy about, “Identify where the desire comes from and brainstorm a creative compromise… For example, if she wants to have sex in public—and you don’t—suggest laying down a blanket on the back porch where there’’s a slight chance of your neighbors sneaking a peek.”

The Cheating Conversation. Everyone has a different definition of cheating. Some people believe flirting is cheating. Some people believe kissing is cheating. And some don’t think you’re cheating until you have sex. But there are also different kinds of cheating. So how do you decide what counts…

TALK ABOUT IT! That’s the theme for today: Talk about it! Men’s Fitness suggests making a list of acts that you would both consider cheating. Decide where to draw the line. You may disagree, but you will be able to find out your partner’s boundaries and it will make life easier.

The Love Language Conversation. If you subscribe to Gary Chapman’s theory of love languages, then you’d know that (theoretically) people give, and receive, love in certain ways — gifts, quality time, words of affirmation or compliments, acts of service, and physical touch.

Finding what works. If your partner’s love language is very heavily tethered to touch, and yours is definitely not, you might have a problem here if you don’t discuss. Dr. Berman suggests, again despite the clinical nature, making a list, and exchanging. Start with the prompt “I feel love when…” then insert what makes you feel loved.

The Check-In Conversation. People are constantly changing as the world around us changes. So more than likely the things that turn you on today may not turn you on in 20 years. In the same vein, things that previously seemed so repulsive to you sexually may seem a little more interesting in time.

Make time. Checking in is another key. Men’s Fitness says that the longer two people are together, the less likely they are to be able to accurately predict their partner’s preferences. And you know what they say about people who assume… Don’t assume, just ask. And tell.

Tech! Here’s one last conversation, this one you can keep for free. Technology can be a huge relationship killer. There’s nothing less sexy then seeing your girlfriend eyeing your phone all the time, and it can kill your sex life if you think your partner may be doing something they aren’t supposed to be. Set clear boundaries. Will you have each other’s passwords for social media? Will you be friends with your exes on Facebook or Snapchat?