In today's culture, a hookup is as easy as a press of a button or swiping a screen for most people. Sexual attraction is instantaneous and sometimes has little to do with a person's personality. Not everyone is thrilled on the rise of hookup culture, because it's not that easy for them. When hooking up with no strings is the norm, these people are made to feel like they're abnormal or indifferent to love. It could very well be that they're actually demisexual and find attraction through a strong emotional connection, which isn't wasy to find these days. Are you indifferent to love or demisexual?
What is demisexuality? Demisexuality is a sexual orientation of sorts where people can only be sexually attracted to someone after they've formed a strong emotional bond. Growing up in a hyper sexual society can be confusing for demisexuals, because they don't feel sexual attraction as frequently as other people do.
Demisexuality and sex. Demisexuals are not asexual. They do enjoy sex and take up an interest in it, but only in certain situations. Casual sex isn't appealing to them, because sexual attraction comes only after securing a bond.
Emotional intimacy. Many couples find their emotional common ground after being sexual. For a demisexual, emotional intimacy has to come first in order to even consider a sexual relationship.
Getting to know each other. While some people prefer getting to know someone before having sex, demisexuals require it. They have to know the person well and find them mentally stimulating and appealing and then a sexual attraction can form.
Friendship. With many demisexuals, a sexual relationship is commonly stemmed from a strong friendship. Since they rarely pursue people initially because there's no attraction, becoming friends with someone is their first step. They get close, and then attraction forms.
Wanting to have sex vs. sexual attraction. Some who argue that demisexuals are just normal people who wait to have sex, but there's a difference. Some people want to have sex and have attraction, then wait for a relationship to develop. Demisexuals feel no sexual attraction whatsoever until that relationship is developed.
Why it's hard. Most relationships start off with physical attraction. Since demisexuals don't feel that right away, they might not pursue many people. They usually look to friends and people they already have a bond with for love.
Asexual community. Demisexuals are included in the asexual community, though they aren't asexual. They do feel indifferent toward sex, but only until they get to an emotionally intimate place with someone. They've formed a community so that people can ask questions and relate to each other about their sexuality without feeling weird.
Sex in general. Demisexuals can be completely asexual until their emotional bond is met, or they can just not be able to be intimate with another person until they feel that connection. Some demisexual people still have interest in sex in general and take part in masturbation and watching adult film.
Attractiveness is different for you. Because of what an asexual needs to be sexual with someone, their attractions may vary from the general population. They may not look to physical traits at all. Sexual attraction is all about personality and bond for a demisexual.
You want sex eventually, but don't have a target. Demisexuals aren't opposed to sex, they just don't think about it until they are focused in on someone. They don't feel attraction to strangers in a bar or on the street, only someone who has stimulated them mentally.
The idea of hooking up casually is not for you. Online dating and modern hookup culture isn't for the demisexual. It's based heavily on first impressions, appearance and initial attraction. Since none of these things are sexually appealing to a demisexual, they feel uncomfortable with the concept.
Flirting as a demisexual. Small talk is not sexy to the demisexual, so flirting is lost on them. Flirting for them is a deep conversation after knowing someone for a long time. They may not pick up on flirting cues, since they aren't attracted to them.
Sexual attraction is rare. Because an emotional bond with someone in a romantic setting doesn't usually happen without a casual early stage, demisexuals may not find what they want often. When they do, it's poweful, strong and emotional.
Happy sexual relationships. A demisexual can have a completely normal sexual relationship once they get to that place with someone. Once they get to that intimate place with someone, their sexual urges can be exactly like someone who isn't demisexual.
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