Though vintage shopping has become a trend when it comes to decor, the tips that made the world go round years ago are insanely outdated. We learned how to take part in plenty of exciting activities in the 19th century, but lovemaking is not one of them. From incorporating baked goods, getting inches away from macing your partner, and playing all-out dress up with your lady parts, here are some vintage sex tips that you should never try at home.
Don't sleep with him if he...
Before the vajazzle craze came the vagina bolero...
For a terrific rendezvous, "keep logs and kindling in the fireplace, romantic records near the stereo, candlesticks in unusual spots all over the apartment..." Well, if I wanted to set my apartment on fire, sure!
Via Cosmopolitan, "Feed each other ice cream [in the dark]. Not being able to see means more spilling, which means more licking up the mess."
The sex tip book What Men Don't Like About Women published in 1945 reads, "There are few things in this world that offend a man more than to be directed in the sex act by his woman...Nature demands that the male be dominant in bed if nowhere else."
If he touches his belt buckle, he wants to tear. you. apart.
Dr. William Josephus Robinson gave this handy tip to women: "Every woman should wear the best quality underwear that she can afford. And the color should be preferably pink. And lace and ruffles, I am sorry to say, add to the attractiveness of underwear, and are liked by the average man."
In 1913, a book titled What A Young Woman Ought To Know states "It is not only that novel-reading engenders false and unreal ideas of life, but the descriptions of love-scenes, of thrilling, romantic episodes, find an echo in the girl's physical system and tend to create an abnormal excitement of her organs of sex."
A
Cosmo reader states, "Very softly bite the skin of his scrotum."
Another Cosmo reader suggests "Sprinkle a little pepper right under his nose right before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects."
A tip right from the editors of Cosmopolitan: Draw an attention-grabbing circle around your nipples using rhinestones and body glue for a special night in.
Steven, a
Cosmo reader has an odd request: "It really sucks when a woman handles your manhood with care. Ladies, our units aren't that sensitive. We need you to get a little rough with them - squeeze hard, suck hard, really grab on it like you're milking a cow. You may think you're hurting him, but guaranteed if you asked, he'd request more, more."
Another Cosmo gem: Gently stick his penis through the hold then nibble around it, stopping to suck him once in a while. The sugary texture of your tongue will add an interesting new dimension.
The book titled Aunt Epp's Guide for Life: Miscellaneous Musings of a Victorian Lady states "Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others performing the normal act in abnormal positions; mouthing the female body; and offering their own vile bodies to be mouthed in turn."
Cosmopolitan tells us, "Hold his penis in one hand and lightly slap it with the other...you can tap it back and forth like you're volleying a tennis ball and lightly pinch the skin on his shaft testicles. Many women make the mistake of being too gentle."
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