Dressing For Men Doesn’t Make Me Less Of A Feminist

Feminism, for many women, is about empowerment. It’s about the freedom of choice to use your body however you want, and notably, to dress however you want. Many women have found power in dressing the way they want to, and not in the way that men feel like women should dress. Most notably, however, many women have found power in dressing in ways that men would find sexy and attractive precisely because men find them sexy when they dress that way. Both of those choices are equally valid.See, the whole point of feminism, regardless of what they’re talking about, is choice. When it comes to women’s health, feminism empowers us to make the choice about our bodies and what we choose to let live there. When it comes to dating, feminism empowers us to make the choices we want to make about who we sleep with and how we sleep with them. When it comes to fashion, it should stand to reason that feminism should empower us to dress however we want, for whatever motivations we want.

We dress for different motivations every time we put on clothes. We’re probably not thinking about how our clothes will affect men when we go out to the grocery store or are rushing to the bank or to work at 7:30 in the morning. However, there are times where we might dress with a man in mind, and that’s okay.

When we find ourselves dressed up in a way that shows off what makes men so attracted to women, we sometimes get criticism for it. When we go out for nights on the town, we end up choosing clothes that will totally encourage men to look at us, and that’s a valid choice. There’s something about winged eyeliner, clothes that cling to us like Saran wrap, short skirts and tall heels that not only make us the center of male attention, they make us feel empowered as well.

There’s a reason for that. Women embracing their sexuality has always been a taboo subject. Men are basically able to discuss sexual topics with impunity: they can bring up how many adult films they watch and how much they enjoy them without fear of (much) judgement. With women, it’s the opposite.

This desire to smother a woman’s impulse to be sexual goes way further back than we think. For those of us who hit puberty early, having to deal with what was happening to our bodies at the same time as the women around us told us not to tell anyone and keep it quiet was a lot to bear. It almost came across like we had to be ashamed of what was happening to our bodies to make the people around us more comfortable.

When we find ourselves dressed up in a way that shows off what makes men so attracted to women, we sometimes get criticism for it. When we go out for nights on the town, we end up choosing clothes that will totally encourage men to look at us, and that’s a valid choice. There’s something about winged eyeliner, clothes that cling to us like Saran wrap, short skirts and tall heels that not only make us the center of male attention, they make us feel empowered as well.

This doesn’t even get into the politics of how much makeup we wear or don’t wear. Jillian Seltzer recalled an experience she had while interviewing another feminist, who was the one to shame her for this: “I was interviewing a student leader about her accomplishments, impressed by her efforts. Mid-interview, she stops me and asks, 'Are you a feminist?' Taken aback by her abruptness, I answered with a resounding yes. After all, why wouldn't I be? It seemed simple: I believe in equal social, political and economic rights for men and women (of all races, religions, and sexual orientations). She grunted and rolled her eyes. 'That's a surprise, considering how much makeup you're wearing.' I continued the interview respectfully but walked away confused.”

Jillian was confused because in her mind, her makeup doesn’t have anything to do with her beliefs. She’s absolutely correct about that. “Since when did my use of makeup cancel out my beliefs and actions in the fight for gender equality? Am I less of a feminist because I like wearing MAC's matte lipstick in Ruby Woo? Apparently, according to some, the two are mutually exclusive.”

Unfortunately, the idea that what we wear reflects our politics is not a new one. Jillian had a lot to say about how makeup shouldn’t be the end all and be all of what we believe in: “Just because I indulge in a beauty regime doesn't mean I agree with the sexist notions that women should dress for men or wear makeup to be considered a real woman. I'm not a 1950s June Cleaver perfecting my pout with red lipstick so I can kiss my husband's a** when he arrives home from work. I wear makeup because I like it.”

Let’s get this out of the way now. Wearing makeup or clothes that are traditionally appealing to men doesn’t do anything to push back feminism. For one, the choices of one woman don’t set back a movement, and for another, fashion literally just comes down to different tastes. According to Jillian, fashion is empowerment. “It's my version of showing my personality. Let's not confuse that with me stalling feminism—which, by the way, is defined as "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes." Nowhere in there does it mention anything about aestheticism or beauty standards.”

The fashion industry can be a huge perpetuator of ideas that are pretty staunchly anti-feminist. Jillian is a writer for a fashion magazine and is aware of the flaws of her industry. “Society's seemingly irreparable, perfectionist beauty standards try to box in what it means to be the ideal woman. As a writer for a fashion magazine, I see this first hand. I acknowledge that I work for an industry that more often than not misrepresents women through makeup and clothing.”

While Jillian admits that the fashion industry has flaws, she also knows she’s in a position to change things. “But I also acknowledge that I have the platform to change that, and the conversation starts here. It's our job to break down those misconceptions, both with the public and with each other. It's counterproductive to do that by criticizing other women for exercising their right to self-expression. How does that propel Feminism? Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.” She’s absolutely right.

That means judging anyone for how they dress really isn’t feminist at all. Criticizing someone for wearing sweats and T-shirts constantly isn’t feminist, and neither is criticizing someone for the makeup and heels they wear. Even the June Cleavers of the world who “perfect their pout” are making a choice, and if that choice is made entirely of their own free will, it’s no one’s place to make them feel like their choice is wrong because we don’t agree with it.

For Jillian, there are a lot more important things to focus on than what a woman wears. For her, it’s not about examining the choices of women, it’s about changing the narrative in which we make those choices. “As feminists, we need to change the narrative without reinforcing stereotypes. Focus on closing the wage gap. Practice intersectionalism. Learn about the education deficit for women in third-world countries. Don't tell other women how to dress or look. Don't capitalize on the aesthetic of Feminism. Change the narrative that aesthetics even matter more than a simple means of self expression. What makes a woman ideal is who she is, makeup or not.”

Ultimately, the thing feminists really need to focus on is smashing the patriarchy. Jillian sums this up pretty succinctly, saying: “Wearing makeup does not strengthen a misogynistic patriarchy. What does strengthen it is the idea that wearing makeup implies female inferiority. If we take a step back and realize that tearing down each other helps nothing, then we can make progress. It's not about the actual choices we're making with our beauty routines; it's about ensuring we have the fair and equal rights to make a choice in the first place.”

Wearing what we want doesn’t make us classless. There’s nothing we can wear that could diminish our status as women or make us “trashy.” As women, we should be able to wear anything we please, and the more we acknowledge we’re able to wear what we want, and most importantly, not judge others for exercising that same right, the more progress we can ultimately make. As feminists, that’s the main goal.