The Secrets To An Organic Relationship

Live and love organically.
It's common for relationships to be contrived because most of us believe being single means something is missing from our lives. We obsessively look for what we consider a missing piece of ourselves.
This search influences our concepts of love to be built upon the foundation of fear. Our lack of self worth blocks the natural organic flow of relating.
We can use the nature of gardening as a template to follow when it comes to cultivating relationships. When you plant a seed it takes time and gentle care to assist in the blossoming process.
Root based plants such as beets and carrots will take longer to sprout when compared to growing herbs. The natural unfolding of the process itself determines the differences. Anything that is contrived will not survive to reach its full potential.

It would be wise to view each potential relationship as a seed that needs to be nurtured. Some connections may blossom as fast as an herb, others may take longer to root like a beet or a carrot. The key is to relate without preconceived concepts of a proper time frame for development. The heart recognizes levels of magnetism, not concepts of time.

Adopting this concept allows the energy to flow more efficiently. It creates a path of least resistance for necessary development. Don't put so much pressure on yourself or your potential partner. Relax and have fun within the process. If you don't find a new partner, you could potentially gain a new friend. Let each experience naturally unfold and reveal its unique treasure.
Partnerships that develop organically create deeper bonds through authentic friendships. A genuine concern for each other leads to a comfort zone that ends up being the catalyst for orgasmic bliss. The level of safety shared between partners determines the depth of vulnerability. The more open you are the more pleasure you will experience during intimacy.
You can step outside of the comfort zone of using relationships as a crutch and embrace love however it chooses to present itself. Sometimes we push away the love we "need" because it didn't match the love we "wanted." These expectations block us from experiences that could open us up to a deeper more expansive love.

Here are a few tips on how to develop organic relationships.
1. Connect with others simply with the intention of relating
Throw your checklist out of the window and attempt to accept your potential partner without judgment. This will allow them to feel more comfortable with exposing deeper aspects of self. This way you get to see more beneath the societal mask for a clearer projection of compatibility.
2. Don't get too caught up on the physical attraction
Great sex is important within a relationship but there needs to be a strong foundation built on respect, integrity and trust. The framework of the physical bond will naturally form and be more firm in this case.

3. Release the pressure of needing something to develop
Relax and use your social interactions as opportunities to expand through new experiences. If a strong bond develops this will be an exciting bonus to explore.

10 Scientific Reasons Having Regular Orgasms Keeps You Healthy

An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.
Like eating chocolate, having an orgasm isn't just a pleasure; it's a way to improve your overall health. And like eating chocolate, there are a few guidelines to follow to reap the benefits.
Orgasms are fairly straightforward for most men. Not so for many women, however. A significant number of women don't automatically or intuitively know how to have an orgasm. In fact, 36 percent of American women in their twenties have never had an orgasm. And after menopause, many women experience dry vagina and lack of interest in sex.
This is where Wise Woman Ways can help. Wise Woman Ways are old wives' tales with a modern twist. Let's look at a few of the reasons we ought to have orgasms:

1. They reduce stress and counter the effects of stress hormones. The next time you feel stressed out, reach for your vibrator or beckon to your lover, and let an orgasm heal you.
2. They improve cardiovascular fitness and blood vessel flexibility, reducing the risk of stroke. The older we get, the more important orgasm becomes as a way to maintain heart health.

3. They encourage deep breathing, countering CPOS and asthma. The deep, rapid, regular breathing of sexual arousal and culmination exercises the lungs and helps tone the breathing muscles. Think of orgasm as yoga for the respiratory organs.
4. They help maintain a youthful, positive attitude toward life. An orgasm is one of life’s most delicious rewards and we're never, ever too old to enjoy it. Think of them as rejuvenation treatments and indulge often.

5. They promotes healthy skin and a bright complexion. They increase blood flow to the facial muscles and skin, which prompts tissue repair and collagen production. Three orgasms a week is better than a face lift.
6. They help prevent cancer. Men who ejaculate at least five times a week in their twenties are one-third less likely to develop aggressive prostate cancer later on, according to scientific research. If you're too old to benefit, at least share the good news with younger men.

7. They improve vaginal health. An orgasm at any age increases vaginal elasticity, improves lubrication, and helps maintain health in the vaginal epithelium (the cells lining the vaginal walls). "Atrophic vagina" won't be in your future if you have plenty of orgasms now.
8. They acidify the vagina. This provides some protection against STDs/STIs such as yeast.

9. They lighten the mood. Regular and rigorous application of orgasms can even eliminate the need for anti-anxiety and anti-depressive drugs (most of which interfere with orgasm).
10. They aid emotional equilibrium and are a staunch ally during life's grimmer and sadder moments. Wilhelm Reich, one of Freud's most celebrated pupils, believed that healthy "whole body" orgasms are necessary for true emotional health. If you're lying on your back, a whole body orgasm will ripple through the entire body in waves, causing the head and back to lift off the bed.
I prescribe seven orgasms a week for postmenopausal women ... for health reasons, of course.

If You Want An Earth-Shattering Orgasm, Have Sex With THIS Kinda Guy

Keep your eyes peeled for a guy like THIS.
By: Ashley Mateo
Oh, sure, having the right moves in bed is definitely a plus when it comes to getting off. But, new research shows that there are a few surprisingly asexual attributes your partner can have that determine how frequent and how strong your orgasms will be.
According to a study recently published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology, the frequency of orgasms is related to intensity, and that intensity is stronger when women are with a partner they find funny, self-confident and from a family of high earners.
(That last one’s a little out of left field, amirite? The study doesn’t expand on the financial aspect, but we’re guessing a more financially secure dude is also more confident in himself. C’mon. Anyone else out there dated a finance bro?) But talk about the ultimate score for the funny guys! 

Psychologists at the University at Albany polled heterosexual female college students in relationships about how often they experienced orgasms during sex and discovered that orgasm intensity is related to how attracted a women is to their partners, how many times they had sex per week, and ratings of sexual satisfaction.
FYI: orgasm intensity is a “marginally better predictor of sexual satisfaction than orgasm frequency,” according to lead study author Professor Georgy Gallup.
The researchers also asked the women’s friends to rate the attractiveness of the participants’ partners to get a less biased score — the participants with partners that their friends rated as more attractive tended to have more intense orgasms, because, of course.

“[A woman’s] partner’s sense of humour not only predicted his self-confidence and family income, but it also predicted women’s propensity to initiate sex, how often they had sex, and it enhanced their orgasm frequency in comparison with other partners,” wrote the researchers.

So, guess size really doesn’t matter—right ladies?

20 Ridiculous Sex Facts That Will SHOCK You!

Here are 20 of the weirdest, wildest and most frightening sex facts ever. You've been warned!!!
These sex facts are interesting, weird and some are downright terrifying. Enjoy!
Studies show that women who believed they were completely straight are actually attracted to everything from female nude bodies to animal sex. The amazing thing is that your body will respond to a very wide range of sexual stimuli. Of course, this sex fact does not make you a zoophile or anything! (Source.)
Everybody and their mom has a vibrator nowadays, and it may seem as if they were invented just like any other sex toy: with no other purpose than sexual satisfaction. However, you may be surprised to know that vibrators were invented as a remedy for something people called "hysteria nervosa." This "disease" was often encountered in women who were not married, and the main symptoms were sex cravings and mood swings. The women who suffered from this "disease" were taken to a physician where, often in the presence of their husbands (if they had any), the professional would...satisfy them by massaging their most intimate zones. This happened up until a new and more automatic device was invented to treat hysteria nervosa: the vibrator. (Source.)

Napoleon Bonaparte's penis was cut off by his doctor when he died so that it could be used for the autopsy. Many years later, in 1977, the penis was sold for around $3,000. At that time, it had a size of 1.5 inches. (Source.)
Sex can be a form of exercise. OK, you're not gonna lose much weight just from sex, but it is a fun way to shed a couple of pounds in a happier and more pleasurable way than actually going to the gym. 30 minutes of sex can help you burn somewhere around 200 calories. (Source.)
There is no need to care about smelling bad during sex. We don't sense nasty smells around us when we are having sex, because our bodies are very aroused. (Source.)
Men with two penises actually exist. If you have ever seen a movie featuring a porn star with two penises, then you may have wondered if it's real. Yes, it is! Diphallus is a condition that affects about 1 man in 6 million, but it is even rarer that both of the penises are actually functional. Men born this way often suffer from other conditions, too. (Source)
You may not know it, but a woman releases only one egg each month in most cases. That makes for one chance to procreate each month. By comparison, there are about 300 million sperm in just one teaspoon of semen. That seems like a large difference, but the truth is that a very small percentage of these swimmers actually make it to the uterus and even a smaller percentage survives it before it fertilizes the egg. One of these little guys is enough for pregnancy, but sometimes not even one of the 300 million of them make it to the end! (Source)

One of the healthiest things you can do for your heart and for your entire body is...to have orgasms! It's actually something I teach on the Bad Girl's Bible site—it has been scientifically proven that orgasms help women grow their hearts stronger and lower the risk of a heart disease or stroke. Not to mention that orgasms lower your chances of developing breast cancer and they help you fight depression (because the body releases "happiness" hormones when you have an orgasm)! So I suppose you could say the more orgasms the better! (Source)
Want to know a creepy fact about your man's penis? It probably used to have spikes. Obviously this isn't something that happens these days. It was common long before even Neanderthals were roaming the earth. Spiked penises are something that have been speculated about by many scientists, out there for quite a while now. Cats are one example of creatures with spiked penises, and scientists believe that humans developed penile spikes as well because spikes apparently quicken the pace of an erection. (Source)
Want to know one of the weirdest facts your vagina? It can expand. Yes, your vagina is built in an ingenious way that allows it to expand itself when needed. Your vagina is about 3 inches in length normally. However, during the sexual intercourse, your uterus will be pulled up to make more space for your guy to enter you. Usually, this means that the length of your vagina will expand itself to about 5 inches, but if your man is particularly gifted, this length can be even larger. (Source)
Speaking of "gifted" males, you may be curious to know who the king in the animal world is when it comes to penis length. There are several animals out there that have some pretty impressive phalluses! The whale is the animal with the largest penis on Earth (and it reaches the impressive length of no less than 8 feet!). Among land animals, the elephant is king, with a penis that is 6 feet long. As for the other end of the record pole, the shrew is the animal with the smallest penis on Earth. (Source)
Spanking and hair pulling would make you pretty mad in day-to-day life. However, during sexual intercourse, many women actually like these things. How come? The answer is simple: your body’s threshold of pain is increased significantly during the sexual act, allowing for an easier and more painless penetration. Thus, spanking, hair pulling and other "aggressive acts" such as these will feel less painful when you are aroused. The only problem? You can end up hurting yourself and not even notice it until after sex! (Source)
Kids nowadays...According to the recent studies, most teenagers nowadays have sex younger than the previous generations. Studies show that on average, both girls and boys lose their virginity at around the age of 17. Boys are slightly more in a hurry than girls, but not by much. (Source)
You've probably had a Kellogg breakfast cereal before—Corn Flakes? Frosties?—but did you know that the creator of these cereals believed that they had found a "remedy" for masturbation? They believed that they could prevent masturbation by reducing the heat in the penis, which, according to their ideas, had a lot to do with the food intake. (Source)
Have you ever felt your brain simply mushing out after an orgasm? Perhaps you had difficulty even forming a coherent sentence after sex. Studies show that a woman's amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for fear and anxiety, just shuts down during an orgasm—and this essentially leads you to chilling out completely and to your body making uncontrollable movements. (Source)
I've already pointed out that orgasms can make you happier. However, did you know that your man's semen is an incredibly powerful natural antidepressant? Studies show that a man's semen contains 3 powerful antidepressants. In addition to these, it contains cortisol (increases affection), estrone (boosts your mood) and oxytocin (also a mood booster as well), serotonin (an antidepressant neurotransmitter) and melatonin (a sleep aid). (Source)
Hold your bladder. Actually, you don't have to do this during sexual intercourse because your body has been engineered to do it for you. Basically, your body will release a natural antidiuretic hormone which will prevent you from peeing immediately after having sex. However, do bear in mind the fact that holding it too long can lead to infections—and you definitely want to avoid that! (Source)
Here's another one of the facts about sex considered to be among the weirdest: there are cultures in which the shrinking of a penis or the shrinking of the nipples has led to actual mass hysteria. Apparently, this fear has no actual evidence to sustain it, but it can develop into a huge deal for some people. It's called Koro syndrome. (Source)
Erections follow men throughout their lives, from the moment they are born to the moment they die. Actually, it has been shown that fetuses can have erections and that after dying by hanging, some people have post-mortem erections! (Source)
Between 1770 and 1784, during a time span of no more than 14 years, king Fatefehi of Tonga allegedly had sex with at least one new women per day—37,800, to be more precise. (Source)
If you enjoyed learning these sex facts, but want to learn more powerful sex tips to please your man, then you may be interested in checking out this instructional video!

I Pooped While Having An Orgasm (And I'm Not Even Ashamed)

It's a thing, you know.
Once upon a time, I took a shit while I was having sex.
Yes, that's a thing that can happen.
No, we weren't doing anal. It was just regular old vaginal sex.
Here's what went down:
I hadn't been dating Chris long, but I was totally into him and we were already pros in bed together. You know those kinds of relationships, the ones where you connect and basically skip over the "bad at sex" phase, and tear each others clothes off and have tons of orgasms? That was us. Instantly together.
As we got to know each other better, the sex became more consistent, less crazy, and better overall.
Until, that is, I pooped during an orgasm.
We'd been out drinking and it was probably 3 a.m. by the time we got to my apartment. Chris got that look in his eye, and even though I was tired, I jumped him.
It was sweet sex, the kind where you touch each other's faces and really relax. 

Maybe I was too relaxed. Maybe I was still a little drunk.
Regardless, I had one orgasm pretty fast.
Then out of nowhere he did some sort of fancy sex move that hit me right in my g-spot and BAM I was having another orgasm ... a big one.
Then I felt something weird that INSTANTLY sobered me up.
I had shit myself having an orgasm.
Now, while you absorb the horror — and I do mean HORROR — of what had happened to me, I want to tell you about Chris.
I really liked him.
In fact, I was starting to think that he was going to be "the one". He was funny, but not in that way that demands the spotlight. He was funny in an under-the-breath kind of way. He was smart, understated, had a totally bizarre sense of style (which I LOVED) and had a pretty good sized penis. More importantly, he knew how to use it.

He was also nice to my parents, the owner of a mangled rescue cat who was missing a leg (and had six toes on one of her other feet), and knew how to change the oil on his own car.
This was literally the LAST guy I wanted to take a shit on during sex. Not that I'd thought that much about it, of course.
Anyway, so as I lay there, I formulated a plan. It was my apartment, so I could tell him to leave. I would lie down in my own little mess (it wasn't bad, it just a little bit, really) and then tell him I had an early morning. When he left, I'd jump up, change the bed and shower.
Brilliant, right?!

But it didn't work. See, the other thing about Chris was that he was really sensitive. So when I implied that I wanted him to leave, he looked hurt.
But I knew I had to be tough. I had to be like the kid in Old Yeller and sacrifice the one I liked the most. It was for his own good.

"Yeah, you just gotta leave," I told him.
He looked crushed. There's no better way to describe it.
"Do you have another guy coming over or something?" he tried to joke, but I could tell he was sort of serious.
"No, just ... I want to be alone," I said.
"Well, that sucks," he said, and started to get dressed.
That's when I started crying. I was tired, still a little drunk, and I could see that I was about to risk losing the guy I really liked.
All because I'd shit myself during sex.
There was no way out. I had to tell him.
"CHRIS!" I yelled, as he was about to hit the door, still covering my mess with my own butt.

He peered around the corner.
"I have to tell you something disgusting and you're going to hate me and never get a boner for me again," I said, all in one really fast breath.
He sat down warily, and I told him. All of it.
And he laughed.
And like a gentleman, he left. At least he knew I still liked him.

5 Things You *Must* Know To Make Your Orgasms LIKE WHOA, WHOA, WHOA

Every woman should be able to feel fireworks.
When it comes to getting turned-on, men are mostly driven by visual and physical stimulation. For women, sex is much more of a mental and emotional experience.
Stress is the most common obstruction in being able to feel optimum sexual pleasure. If your mind is full of distracting thoughts or if you're upset about something, you may be unable to fully experience all the magnificent sensations your body is capable of. It's imperative to reduce stress, tension and disturbance before embarking on a sexual journey, with or without a partner.
1. Most women enjoy a combo of mental, emotional and physical stimulation to feel aroused.
Although there are numerous erogenous zones, the clitoris is the main point of interest that evokes the most pleasure when stimulated. The clitoris is a complex network with over 8,000 nerve fibers concentrated in one tiny little fleshy bump. There are more pleasure-producing sensory receptors in the clitoris than any other part of the female body.

Women can experience a highly charged surge of energy during orgasm as the clitoral nerves interact with the 15,000 nerve fibers throughout the entire pelvic area. It's truly an epicenter of explosive ecstatic potential to generate more incomprehensible pleasure imaginable.
2. Women can successfully have a "mindgasm" — without touching themselves!

But orgasm is truly all in your mind; you need to let go of all thoughts and just allow yourself to be fully present with the physical sensations without any distractions. It's a meditation to practice and ultimately master. In fact, it's possible to bring yourself to a powerful orgasm while sitting absolutely still — no movement, stimulation or friction whatsoever.
Many women have testified to having the ability to produce a full-on "mindgasm." It's a matter of having focused intention, good muscle control and rhythmic deep breathing. But first, you need to practice and "control" the orgasm experience with physical stimulation.

In the same way that a complete understanding of electricity isn't necessary in order to flip the switch and receive its benefit (light, music), you don't need to know the complex inner workings of your physical body to enjoy immense pleasure. You only need to understand the simple process by which you allow your cells and nerve endings to generate certain physical sensations.
Basically, you need to find which buttons do what. As you find and practice resonance with the vibrational source within you, communication between the cells of your body flourishes, as does your entire physical body. And it all begins with the simple focus on your breathing to "flip the switch" to absolute physical well-being and infinite pleasure.
3. Women have the innate capacity to experience multiple intense, mind-blowing orgasms!

Men are also able to orgasm multiple times with or without ejaculating. However, most have trouble controlling the release. Women have an easier time managing their orgasms, as we can better regulate our vaginal contraction and release muscles. Women can experience numerous successive orgasms during a dedicated session of focused stimulation.

After the initial orgasm, subsequent climaxes may be more powerful and pleasurable as the stimulation intensifies. Some women also enjoy continuous waves of orgasmic pleasure throughout the entire sexual experience for as long as they choose to endure.
It's possible to reach orgasm within 20 seconds and produce multiple orgasms for as long as you choose. The World Record of the most recorded orgasms within one hour is 134, but after a dozen or so, you're pretty exhausted as it can be quite draining. Some women actually ejaculate fluid during orgasm, but that's a whole other article.
4. Most women use clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, but some also use their G-spot.
By focusing your mind's attention to this specific area, the easiest way to reach orgasm is to apply rhythmic pressure to the clitoris and surrounding area. The methods and processes may be different for each woman, so it's important to experiment with what works best for you and clearly communicate that with your lover. Oral sex can be an excellent method for multiple orgasms, provided your partner knows what they are doing.

Generally, using a combination of tongue and fingers can provide an intense blended orgasm as the clitoris and the G-spot are simultaneously stimulated. Another effective technique is for your partner to rub the tip or the shaft of his penis over the clitoral area either from side to side, or gently thrust between the folds of the labia.
5. It's easier to take control of your orgasm by being on top and regulating the pace.
Or try using your own fingers to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse. You certainly know what feels the most pleasurable and it's up to you to be directive in your sexual experience. There's no such thing as having too much fun or experiencing too much pleasure.
By allowing yourself to indulge in extreme ecstasy, it will greatly reduce the stress in your life, as well as support a healthier mind and body.

What It's Like When A Guy Orgasms From JUST Butt Play

And hot damn, are they goooood!
I’ve been chasing the prostate orgasm for months, perhaps years now, the way many women chase that elusive first g-spot orgasm. And while some assholes may still question the existence of a g-spot, there’s no doubt that the prostate exists.
The question is rather — can it produce pleasure on its own?
I’d heard tell around the campfire, my friends, about the orgasm without ejaculation, drawn out by prostate stimulation.
I was told it could be long, and multiple, and unlike anything I’d ever experienced — namely, short and single.
After all our bodies are designed so once the semen shoots out, shop gets closed up, the lights get turned off, and our balls say, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”

I think I’d come close, once, with a very special friend who was intent on focusing on me instead of her. She had me feeling all sorts of unique and new sensations before putting her mouth on me to finish the job. That orgasm had an ejaculation, indeed, but the erection didn’t immediately subside.

Looked like someone forgot to turn off the lights. The factory was still producing.
This fascinated me, because that never happens. I’m one of those people that, once I orgasm, the chemicals being produced change my point of view so suddenly that I feel like I never need to have sex again.
Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.
Unlike the g-spot, which can be an elusive to say the least, but fairly common practice amongst the open friends of my social circle, I’d never known anyone who’d actually managed a prostate orgasm.

Not only that, most of them seemed not to care.
But I cared. I cared big time.
Much of my definition of sex (which as many of you know I’ve been trying to alter) has been caught up in that white jizzy final expulsion.
Since I know (thyself) myself, and that I have that “closed for business entirely” sensibility after an orgasm, I tend to put my partner’s pleasure first almost entirely. Once she has had an orgasm, or many, only then do I allow myself to head in that direction.
Because of that, the idea of an orgasm that wouldn’t end things is tremendously appealing.
The problems with chasing such an orgasm are many.

It’s a sensitive area indeed. And the prostate orgasm, much like a first g-spot orgasm, requires a lot of time, concentration, and effort to go after.
If they exist at all, that is. And Tristan Taormino has assured me they do, as not only has she seen one, but she’s CREATED one.
Of course, if Tristan laid those beautiful hands on me ...
But I digress.

All this talk about the possibility that they don’t exist is silly — though, isn’t it. Especially now that I’ve had one, anyway.
Oh yes.
Yesterday, on a bed near the rooftop hot tub at Desire Resort and Spa, as I enjoyed demonstrating the nJoy Eleven on a very willing volunteer, I asked if someone might insert my favorite butt plug, handmade by the incredibly talented Boris.

A volunteer came forward, a beautiful woman whom I’d shared a lot of eye contact and some kisses with at our speed dating event. I was assured she was a professional (though I wasn’t certain what that meant at the time) and that I shouldn’t worry. As it was a fairly small plug, I wasn’t worried to begin with. I thanked her for her enthusiasm and continued with the nJoy on my lovely playmate.
After insertion, she didn’t step back, she continued to manipulate, pressing the plug, moving it in and out, circling it.
Before long I was distracted.
Before long after that I could no longer continue with the Eleven. (Which was all right, as my playmate had brought out her LELO Siri and had intoned that she might have had enough of the massive Eleven.) I continued to kneel on top of her as she played with herself, responding compersively to my spasms, which are quite common during anal stimulation.

Before long I could no longer support myself, the distraction was too great, and I asked if she would mind if I flipped over and lie down. She asked if I was doing alright, if it was too much, making contact on my arm and thigh with her hands as she asked. Tremendously comforting.
I told her my stock response about safe words: As I’m not into fake, forced pain, I’m perfectly comfortable with my safe word being “Ouch, ouch, that hurts!”
“But you’ll say that if it hurts?”
“I’ll say it,” I promised.
She became more aggressive, moving her whole body into it, gripping my thigh and my arm at times, putting her hand on my chest to gain leverage, to hold me down, to push the energy right into me.

Somewhere in there, it started.
I’ve always achieved small spasms during prostate play, the kind of spasms you hit as your penis is being played with, those early signposts that you’re going in the right direction. With prostate stim these moments were usually brief but very pleasurable. I found these spasms growing longer and closer together. Becoming full tremors, full body shaking. Bigger and bigger, closer and closer, until the gap between them disappeared.
And here’s where it all gets fuzzy and dreamlike.
Once the gap vanished it was like a wave rushing toward shore that wasn’t breaking, and the shore just moved along at the same speed as the wave. On and on the shakiness rolled, spasming, rocking my body. I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t think.

“Shhh, don’t clench,” she whispered to me, running her fingers up and down my very tense legs. My hands were indeed clenched into tight fists. I opened them and put my head back down.
“Just breathe.”
This continued for the better part of an hour. At least I think so. Time lost meaning and I honestly have no idea. I may have been orgasming for decades there, or only a minute. Though I’ve since been assured it was almost fifty minutes from the beginning of the “clearly orgasmic” portion of my time on that bed to the end. When I threw the flag down and tapped out.
I thanked her muchly, and she assured me that I had indeed progressed through many and varied orgasms — if my face and body were any indication.

As I lie there, basking for just a moment, a curious thing hit me. An aftershock tremor hit, causing me to curl up my knees to my chest. This by itself was surprising enough, but when these tremors continued during the walk back to our room, during the shower before dinner, during getting food from the buffet (to the point where I had to ask a friend to get me a deviled egg because I couldn’t hold the tongs steady), and through on to eating.
Only after sitting at dinner for a half hour or so did they finally begin to subside.
A nearly endless orgasm with the vast capacity for more. Without the standard feelings of “M'kay, I’m done.” A whole new world.
She made me promise to show her how the nJoy Eleven works. I asked her if she’s done any pegging. She admitted she hadn’t had much experience at all with a harness, but was game to experiment.

How thrilling that is.
After all, I’m no longer chasing the possibly mythical prostate orgasm. Now I’m just chasing the very real NEXT prostate orgasm.
O happy day!
Listen now: “Pegging Enthusiast” isn’t just Cooper’s motto … it’s his mission statement. One of the most specific sex acts, pegging is when a woman wearing a strap-on fucks a man in the ass. We’ve talked about it off and on over the years, always couched in the broader topic of anal play, but tonight we’re going to give it its due. There’s only one person who can be called master on this subject. The progenitor of the Pegging Paradise podcast, Ruby Ryder is here to talk about it with us.

The Reason Your Sex Life SUCKS (That Nobody Talks About)

Spontaneity is a wonderful fantasy. But it's not realistic.
There is a powerful cultural script that many people agree with in terms of sex: it is believed to be instant chemistry from the very beginning. As we drink the wine of romance we become drunk in the belief that sex, even in long-term relationships, is easy, tension-free, and uninhibited.
Either you and your partner have it or you don't. And that's simply not true.
It's kind of ironic that our modern willpower society, which encourages us to manifest our careers and health through deliberate and relentless work ethic, tells us that we should have to try hard at all when it comes to sex. That our sex lives must only rise in the spontaneity of the moment.
Spontaneity is a wonderful fantasy. But in an ongoing and busy relationship, whatever is going to "just happen" has already happened.
As many of us know, our careers, kids, and household chores can consume the moments of our lives, leaving our romance for the scraps of our attention.
"I'm too tired to make love."
"The kids exhaust me."

"I have an important work meeting tomorrow."
We like to believe that sex is a spur-of-the-moment magical thing that arises from an unprompted impulsive desire deep within. All of us talk about being swept away.
"I couldn't resist him... I felt such a rush through my body... I was completely taken."
Realistically, sex is more like going to the gym. Fit people intentionally make the gym a priority in their lives. As a result, their deliberateness causes them to have very fit bodies.

If you want your sex life to leave you with your heart pounding, and if you want to be left sprawled out breathless on the bed, then you need to commit to giving sex the attention it deserves.
It needs more than the last 15 minutes before you fall asleep. Committing to sex is being intentional about sex.
"Things just happened" has to become "can we make things happen tonight?" Sex, past the honeymoon phase, requires your full engagement. It won't stay hot and sexy if your attention is devoted to chores and running errands.

"The dishes won't just do itself." And sex will?
The idea of planning sex is a mountain many couples need to climb. Often we associate scheduling with work and work with obligations. If you don't want sex to be another to-do list item, then don't treat it like a to-do list item.
Is lying on the beach in the Caribbean looking out at the ocean blue a to-do list item, or something you intentionally choose to spend your vacation time doing?

You don't have to "schedule sex," but you should create an erotic space that allows both you and your partner to revel in each other's intimacy. What you do in that time is up to your partner and you. The scheduling marks the space within your busy life to cultivate intimacy with intention.
Here is the irony: When you first started seeing your partner, you were very intentional about making sexy-time. As a man, you probably took her on a nice date, cleaned up your nasty room and bathroom, and somehow made it smell nice. As a woman, you probably shaved your legs, got on your best dress, applied your makeup, and looked sexy as hell.
But as your relationship got older, you stopped doing these things. You moved in together, expecting things to just happened as they had happened. But guess what? Things never happened back then unless you made it happen.
A lot of people balk at the deliberateness of intentional sex. They see these strategies as too laborious for "the long haul."

"You want me to seduce my partner? I still have to do that?"
Often, our culture's choir sings the chorus that we should be loved just as we are. As if any effort on our part in an ongoing relationship shouldn't be necessary. If you gain fifty pounds and shuffle around the house in baggy sweats and a stained t-shirt, he probably won't get hard (and she probably won't get wet).

Your partner may love you no matter what, but your lack of effort to stay sexy has caused a lack in your partner's arousal to get sexy.
Just because you live with your partner doesn't necessarily mean they are readily available. If anything, they require more attention, not less. Keeping sex hotter than a beach in the Caribbean requires intentional attention. No, not every single day, but at least every week, if not month. Choosing your frequency is dependent on both partners' unique sex drives.
Want to know what is even more sexually mind blowing than planning sexy-time? The anticipation.
My girlfriend and I love this. When I have a crazy-busy week meeting clients and catching up with my friends, my calendar tends to be booked from 5 AM to 10 PM, Monday through Friday. When I'm this busy we tend to plan sex on Saturday or Sunday. Sometimes we have a date before; sometimes we just cook dinner at home. When we plan our sexy-time, we both have something to look forward to.

Anticipation is the mortar of fantasy. The anticipation allows us to imagine what it may be like. I wonder what she may wear. How she'll feel in my hands. The anticipation is the foreplay before we even enter the bedroom.
Fantasy, like so many romance novels, builds a plot. It causes us to yearn for our partners.

For many of us, planned sex is suspicious. It threatens our belief that sex is created in a cauldron of magic and chemistry. The wine that sex must be spontaneous keeps us one step removed from having to will sex, to our own desires, and to express it with intent.
As long as sex is something that "just happens," you never have to claim it, and you can complain about it all you want without ever taking action to create the sex you deeply desire. Intentionality in our sexuality is the key to keeping our sex lives humid.

This article was originally published at Kylebenson.net. Reprinted with permission from the author.

Vaginas

Sometimes, guys need to be enlightened about what's under the hood.
Ah, the vagina... what every guy seems to want. It's a mystery to men and that's why they always have questions about it. At times, guys are downright misinformed when it comes to what goes on down south, and tend to make our time with them a lot less fun than it could be.
Guys, sometimes, we really want to tell you certain things about our girl parts, but we're often afraid that you'll be embarrassed or freak out.
For all the guys out there who really wish they understood vaginas better, and for all the guys that just wonder why girls roll their eyes when they say certain things, this is a PSA. Here are a dozen facts us vagina owners wish you knew.

1. Don't just jam fingers in there or be rough right off the back.
Looseness comes from childbirth or actually being born that way. Please, on behalf of all women, stop believing that myth and stop perpetuating it.

Take things slow. We need to be turned on in order for rough sex to actually be good. Doing things too rough, too quick, without any lubrication (natural or otherwise) will just put us in pain and make us hate you.

2. Pee does not come out of vaginas.

We just thought you should be reminded about this anatomy fact. A lot of guys apparently don't know this.

3. Our vaginas don't get loose with more partners, by the way.
4. Be careful with her clitoris.
That thing is sensitive... REALLY sensitive. We have twice as many nerve endings in our clits than men do with at the tip of their penises. Therefore, touch it with care.
5. Each vagina looks really different.
There's no "cut and dry" way a vagina is supposed to look. If we don't have a "porn star" p*ssy, we don't want to hear you ask if our vagina looks normal. That's not only rude, it's a good way to ensure that we won't ever want to sleep with you again.
6. A lot of us are very self-conscious about how we look, smell, or taste down there.
So, keep that in mind. We don't want to hear any complaints.
7. The G-spot exists.
Feel free to massage it. It's only an inch or two from the vaginal opening, and it feels amazing.
8. We don't only get wet because of sexual arousal.
This one might shock both men and women: we can actually get wet due to fear as well.
9. Vaginas are self-cleaning.

It's true. Our bodies produce fluids that naturally clean our girl parts out and prevent infection. This means that we really shouldn't be washing our vaginas with soaps, or douching. Don't get weirded out if you don't see us scrubbing down there during a shower, OK?
10. Yes, we really do need to pee after sex.
Our vaginas are really close to our anuses, and our urethras are really close to the vaginal opening. Even the cleanest of women will have bacteria from our butts near our vaginas. That bacteria, plus sex, can be a bad combo for a UTI. The best way to avoid it is to pee after sex.
11. It's possible to get "stuck" in a woman.
It's called penis captivus in the medical world. This only happens with women if she has an orgasm that actually makes the ridges of in her vagina contract so hard that a guy gets stuck. It only lasts a couple of seconds, usually, and it's very rare. However, if you do get stuck in a girl, you should pat yourself on the shoulder. She was really enjoying her romp!
12. We're totally cool with giving you tips on how to pleasure our vaginas.

Every woman is a bit different, so ask.

Upside Down

"Oh for God's sake, just put me down."
Well I can't say I was terribly excited for this sex position. The idea of trying to hang upside down on J while hanging on for dear life to his legs didn't seem like the ideal way to experience the pleasures of oral sex but an ideal way to get a headache. However, intrepid explorer that I am, I knew I had to attempt the head rush if for no reason than to say I tried it.
After warming ourselves with a little make out sesh, we now had to figure out how to get my legs around his shoulders so that I could hang upside down
Alas, I presumed wrong. Shoulder stands and liberty stunts are no match for the head rush.

"I'll pick you up, you lean back, and then swing your legs above my shoulders," he suggested.
"Err, OK," I replied. It didn't seem terribly feasible but we attempted to give it a shot. I managed to hang upside down as he held to my legs but getting them to go above his shoulders was a feat that I simply could not accomplish.
"I'm gonna fall!" I squealed. "I'm coming up!" I hoisted myself back up so he was just carrying me.
"God we are so stupid. Why don't I just lie back on the bed towards the edge in shoulder stand position, then you stand at the edge? Then I'll easily be able to swing my legs over your shoulders."
"You realize even if you're in shoulder stand I'm a foot taller than you, right? And you're on a Japanese low-lying bed right?"

"Good point," I muttered. Damn height difference. "What if I sit on the back of the sofa? That should boost me up higher."
"Yes! That is so going to work! Let's try it."
I sat on the back of the sofa, leaning back on my arms and hoisting my legs up. Now we were getting somewhere.

I swung my legs up against J's body letting them dangle over his shoulders. I was almost there. I just needed J to pull me a little but higher so I could get my knees to rest on his shoulders.
"Pull me up!" I instructed.
Finally, we were in the proper position. My knees were resting on his shoulders with my legs dangling over his back. I was hanging upside down with my head near his business. Now he just had to go to town.
This hardly seemed safe. What if J dropped me and I broke my neck? Or suffered a concussion? I hugged on to J’s legs, holding on for dear life.
"So how does this feel?" he asked.

"Like all the blood is rushing to my head," I said grumpily. "Is this even hot?"
"It might be if I wasn't craning my neck and trying to hold on to you at the same time."

"Oh for God's sake just put me down." I had enough of this ridiculous pose. "I can just lie back on the edge of the sofa and put my legs against you. Like how we were getting into the pose."

"Sounds like a plan."
The bad news is, this position blows harder than a porn star. The good news is we discovered a new position sitting on the back edge of the sofa with my arms on the cushions.
Orgasm achieved.

We Asked Men How They Know If A Woman Is Good In Bed

They did not hold back.

In theory sex isn't that complicated.
Pole goes in hole (or some variation thereof) and with an assist from friction and wetness, orgasm is achieved.

But we all know that sex is actually a lot more subtle. Sure an orgasm is great, but there's something alchemical and delicious about having sex with someone when the chemistry is just right.

We asked a group of men to tell us what makes a woman good in bed. Is someone's sex skill level a thing you can clock? Aside from a big ol' orgasm, what to surprises and delights you in bed with the right partner? 

These guys were maybe far too happy to answer every question with great. I'll let them take it from here.

Okay men of the internet: First things first, do you think you can tell a woman is good in bed just by looking at her? Why? Why not?

• "Not by looking at her, no. A lot of sex is in the brain. I suppose I could possibly pick up things I'm not conscious of, but not being conscious of them, I don't think I can tell. If that makes sense."
• "No. Because I am very attractive, but horrible in bed." A joker. We assume this serves him well.
• "No. Sex is too much about feelings and reactions to know anything with just a look. That might be enough to establish attraction, but even that is so variable."
• Only one brave naysayer disagreed with the crowd, saying: "The way they dance is usually a good indicator." If this is true, I have never been more deeply screwed. 

​

Before you have sex with a woman, are there things she says or does that indicate to you she'll rock in the sack? Dish.
This one was more of a mixed bag. "If a woman is very forward, if she shares my sexual interests, has sexual interests that interlock well with mine (I'm dom, she's sub, for example), talks about sex in specific and knowledgeable language, there's a good chance we'll click well in bed. I don't really think of people as being good or bad, just suited or unsuited for one another. That said, some people ARE just bad. It's rare, but it happens."
"No. There are things she can do or say that will increase my attraction, but attraction and performance are not tethered together."
"If she knows how to flirt in a subtle way, if she was honest about her sexuality and her experiences, and if she has had a lot of partners." Intriguing. I've slept with dudes who have slept with so many people and are just the worst at sex. I guess this is the concept of female promiscuity working to our advantage, ladies.
"If she's teasing and flirtatious in conversation and there's an ebb and flow to it, if she pays attention to how I react when and where she touches me "casually", if she seems excited about me." This dude gets it.
Is a kiss a good indicator of woman's sexual prowess? Why or why not?
It turns out kissing doesn't provide many clues either for the most part:"Experience in this regard is inconsistent; good kissers have been lousy in bed, terrible kissers have been fun, and sometimes a bad kisser is just uncomfortable with the whole deal."
"Nope! One of my best lovers was a TERRIBLE kisser."

• "If she's all tongue right away, or super-hesitant pecking, that's a worrying red flag. But otherwise, like conversation, a nice rhythm of alternating passivity and playful aggression goes a long way. Shows she's into it, and paying attention to what's going on." Meow!
• Others disagreed: "In most cases yes, a good kisser usually has other skills to back up that kiss."

Got a good sex story about a woman surprising you in bed you wanna share?

• Boy did they: "This one time, I went to bed with a girl for the first time and after we were making out and I was teasing her long enough, she grabbed my cock and pulled it into her. I've never had anything like that. It was amazing and I still think about it often."
• "I was with a girl who was very forward about wanting to have sex with me and in talking about sex but when it came to actually hooking up she was suddenly full of a lot of uncomfortable self-consciousness and self-denial that kind of killed it."
• "I was having sex with a woman more experienced than I was, and things were going really well, and suddenly she said "we should take a break." I was baffled! A break? Right in the middle of sex? So we took a break, had some water and a stretch, made out a bit, and then resumed more or less where we left off, and it turned out she was 100% right. That second half was amazing, and I felt far less worn out after it was all done." Ladies, take note!