Casual sex is all but a given in today's hookup culture, but a lot of women still walk away from a one-night stand feeling far from satisfied. It's not because they're secretly hoping for every tumble to turn into a full-blown relationship. The fact is that 70 percent of Americans have had at least one night of passion with a stranger, but only 22 percent of women report achieving orgasm during these encounters. That's a lot of ladies left wanting!
So What's the Problem?While the novelty of exploring a new body is more exciting than your average sexcapade, few (if any) women have the best sex of their lives during a run-of-the-mill romp with a rando. The problem is, casual hookups are made to look so easy and effortless—with a sexy stud bringing your single self to a mind-blowing climax. In movies, TV shows, and pretty much every Jackie Collins novel, men seem to just know exactly when, where, and how women like it. In reality? Not so much. Casual sex with a stranger too often ends in frustration instead of fireworks. The Sex and The City ladies made it look so easy…so what are we doing wrong?
We all know how awkward the one-night-only hookup can be. You may not know his last name, or even what he looks like in proper light. But despite darkness, anonymity, and alcohol being social lubricants, women are still hesitant to ask for what they want, leaving casual encounters with a lot to be desired.
I'm a big believer in asking for—and getting—the sexual satisfaction you desire. If you're not nervous about a stranger seeing your "laundry day" undies, why not set your sights on a mind-blowing orgasm? You can go big and go home; just keep these three things in mind for your next one-night stand.
1. Skip That Last RoundA little liquid courage can go a long way in getting two strangers ready for a session, but too much can extinguish the fire quicker than you can say "very dirty martini." Not only does being drunk hinder his—uh, performance—but the dehydrating effect of alcohol can dry things out for you too. Know your limit and have just enough of a good thing to make sure it's a night you won't forget—literally. If you're feeling queasy or dizzy or can't remember where your shoe went, it's best to speed-dial an Uber and call it a night.
2. Prioritize Your PleasureWe live in a society that tends to prioritize male pleasure over our own, and unfortunately many women still fall into this pattern in the bedroom. When you're not sure if you're going to see "Mike Blue Shirt" again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your getting off first. Your single-serving lover may be an absolute gentleman on the street, but between the sheets it often turns into every orgasm for themselves. So why not get that itch scratched the way you like it, when you feel like it? This means asking for what you want and being responsible for your own orgasm. Don't let him put your pleasure on the back burner—strike while the iron's hot!
3. Take ControlThis guy may be many things—a Rhodes scholar, a weekend volunteer, a bass guitarist for a Journey cover band—but I'm willing to bet the one thing he ISN'T is a mind reader. Like it or not, your one-night-wonder has NO idea what makes you tick, so it's up to you to show him the ropes. Even if you never see him again, your lessons on loving may help him to become a better lover for some other lucky lady. The ladies down the line will thank you for paying it forward.
Suggest a massage to get things started! Make out like teenagers! Get your fill of foreplay—do whatever it takes to get you hot and ready and then make sure your needs are met. Pick positions that stimulate that clitoris—like cowgirl or doggy-style (making it easy for you to help yourself), and don't be afraid to take your orgasm into your own hands. If dirty talk turns you on, let the erotic expressions fly. Remember—holding back only inhibits your orgasm, and you owe it to yourself to give it all you got. It's just one night, after all.
If you think about it, one-night stands are a great way to practice asking for what you really want in the bedroom, not to mention a chance to try out some new moves on a more-than-willing test subject. Best-case scenario: You end up having the best sex of your life, and your last call ends up on the booty call list. Worst-case scenario: You still had some pretty great sex.
xo, Emily
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