If you want to please her in bed, maybe take some tips—from other women. Lesbian women achieve orgasm more frequently than heterosexual women, reports a new study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Researchers analyzed the self-reported orgasm frequencies of 2,850 single men and women and found that lesbians reported reaching maximum pleasure about 75 percent of the time. Heterosexual women, however, reported having an orgasm just 62 percent of the time. (Both gay and heterosexual men reported achieving orgasm around 85 percent of the time.)
Why this happens isn't simple, but it could boil down to a few major factors. "There's a safety and an attunement in lesbian relationships that a lot of heterosexual couples don't have," says Tracy Thomas, Ph.D., a San Francisco-based relationship therapist. "There's less—or none—of that achievement-based sex where one person is trying to get their rocks off or please the other person for the sole purpose of feeling good about themselves."
This doesn’t mean all hope is lost for guys. Take these cues from lesbian couples, and you'll go from "pretty good" to "amazing” in no time.
Take it Slow
Women are always complaining about how men skip past foreplay and jump straight to the main event—and that's because it's true. "Men rush, naturally, because their physiology is so different from women's," says April Masini, relationship expert at AskApril.com. "When men get aroused, they're targeting and moving in for the finish. Women, on the other hand, have a much slower journey, complete with meaningful 'speed bumps.'"
Women are always complaining about how men skip past foreplay and jump straight to the main event—and that's because it's true. "Men rush, naturally, because their physiology is so different from women's," says April Masini, relationship expert at AskApril.com. "When men get aroused, they're targeting and moving in for the finish. Women, on the other hand, have a much slower journey, complete with meaningful 'speed bumps.'"
Know Her Body
Researchers noted that a possible reason lesbian women can better induce orgasm is because they are more comfortable and familiar with the female body. "In a lesbian relationship, women have an advantage because it's a lot easier to convey something when you're familiar with it,” says Masini.
Researchers noted that a possible reason lesbian women can better induce orgasm is because they are more comfortable and familiar with the female body. "In a lesbian relationship, women have an advantage because it's a lot easier to convey something when you're familiar with it,” says Masini.
How do you become an expert in female anatomy? Spend time exploring her body—whether it’s a gradual learning curve through experience or by talking it out with your partner—so you both learn what she really wants in bed.
Put Your Ego Aside
"Men tend to make sex about accomplishing something," Thomas says. "Even when he's trying to please her, it's because he wants to feel like he's accomplished the task of making her orgasm."
"Men tend to make sex about accomplishing something," Thomas says. "Even when he's trying to please her, it's because he wants to feel like he's accomplished the task of making her orgasm."
Thomas, who works frequently with gay and lesbian couples in her practice, says this type of ego-tripping doesn't exist as much in lesbian relationships. "Instead of making it about accomplishing something, make it about connecting with her," Thomas says. "Instead of giving her pleasure so you feel good about yourself, try to mentally switch so you're giving her pleasure just for her."
It's More Than Intercourse
Although you can consistently orgasm through intercourse, she can't. "Intercourse isn't always a reliable path to orgasm for women for both physical and psychological reasons," says psychiatrist Carole Lieberman, M.D. "She needs to feel safe, desired, and desirable—if not loved—before she can give up control and surrender to the pleasure of orgasm."
Although you can consistently orgasm through intercourse, she can't. "Intercourse isn't always a reliable path to orgasm for women for both physical and psychological reasons," says psychiatrist Carole Lieberman, M.D. "She needs to feel safe, desired, and desirable—if not loved—before she can give up control and surrender to the pleasure of orgasm."
Because lesbians don't focus on intercourse as much as heterosexual couples, they're much more focused on foreplay, clitoral stimulation, and other methods of achieving orgasm. "Lesbians are good at being patient, creative, and experimental with their lovemaking," says Lieberman. Focus on those traits when you head to the sack, and she’ll be more likely to let loose.
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