Is This How All Men Orgasm?

As I mentioned recently, I've been reading Sabbath's Theater — a wonderful novel ... which is also wildly sexually explicit in some places, often in a way that made me pretty grossed out. It's about a serial adulterer and complete failure — a former puppeteer named Mickey Sabbath — who begins to have a nervous breakdown after his beloved mistress dies of cancer. Some of the suspense in the book hinges on the question of whether or not Sabbath will kill himself. For some people, I bet the fact that they are personally rooting for the arguably abhorrent narrator's downfall also creates tension.

Anyway.

At a certain point in the book, the favored mistress — a somewhat plump 52-year-old Croatian immigrant named Drenka who has plenty of paramours herself, in addition to Mickey and her husband — is describing to Sabbath, in vivid detail, the sexual relationship she is having with a young electrician who is new to town. She describes how, when they are having sex, he is like Mickey, in that he will say (as Drenka puts it): "'I don't want to come yet.' And then he says, 'Oh my God, I'm coming, I'm coming,' and then 'Ohhh. Ohh,' those big sounds he makes. And the relief, it's like they collapse almost."

I had to smile after reading that bit because it just seems so true to my experience: All men announce — in a way that sounds sort of childlike, sort of desperate, always very urgent, occasionally apologetic — when they are about to unleash themselves in you.

I always find this weirdly touching; it's a moment when men seem so vulnerable, and even kind of innocent. I always feel weirdly maternal in the moments after that, when they are spent and gasping for breath and physically weakened — like I just kind of want to pet them and tell them it's all right, take it easy.

Do I have some kind of point here? Or did I just want to talk about sex?

Well, maybe it's just that it strikes me as funny that when having an orgasm, every man is an everyman. There's surprisingly little variety.

Or do you disagree? Do Roth and I have it wrong? I mean, I know that when you settle into a more serious relationship, things change and you get to know another person's rhythms better. But I think, even then, it's fairly common that a man will let you know what's about to happen, almost as a way of making sure you're all right with his timing (or begging your forgiveness ahead of time if you're not).

Yes, your have a g-spot

Even if you haven't personally experienced its power, you've heard about the G-spot: an erogenous zone located inside the vagina that can produce some pretty intense sensations. Thing is, it can also produce some intense frustration because it is, for many women, so damn elusive. And though the whole notion of the G-spot is hardly new — sex researchers have touted it for years — the medical establishment was always skeptical as to whether it really even existed.

Well, we're bringing you some great news: The G-spot is a very real part of your anatomy, newly documented in MRI scans and biopsies by medical doctors. Thanks to this new research, we now know that every chick is capable of experiencing more concentrated sexual pleasure — including powerful orgasms, says Irwin Goldstein, MD, director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital, in San Diego, and editor-in-chief of the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Here, we'll guide you to yours — yes, you will find it. Then we'll explain what to do once you're there so you can reap the blissful benefits.

What It Is, Exactly

There's some disagreement about the size of the G-spot; it may range from a quarter inch to a couple inches along the upper wall of your vagina, about an inch or two past your vaginal opening. Underneath it is highly sensitive tissue that, when touched the right way, triggers feelings of sexual happiness, explains Debby Herbenick, PhD, lead researcher and associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion, at Indiana University Bloomington's School of Health, Physical Education, and Recreation. G-spot sensations have been described by some women as more intense than those they feel via clitoral stimulation — more of a warm, flushing feeling that resonates deeply throughout their entire body.

Even experts who always believed in the G-spot weren't sure whether it was a distinct gland or merely the collection of nerve endings extending from the underside of the clitoris. Here's what researchers are sure of: The G is its own entity, analogous to an organ in the male body. It's known as the female prostate because its tissue surrounds an area that produces chemicals similar to those made by the male prostate, a gland that creates fluid to nourish sperm, explains Dr. Goldstein.

Another similarity between the male prostate and the G-spot: When their G is aroused, some women say they experience a wetness unlike they do during other types of stimulation. And some say they even ejaculate a clear, odorless fluid upon orgasm.

Where to Locate It

Lie back and relax — embarking on your first G-spot mission can take patience. Start by spreading your legs and bending your knees, so your vagina is open and accessible. With your palm facing up, insert two fingers inside, pressing your fingertips against the center of the upper vaginal wall. "You're seeking a spongy, puckered, or slightly ridged area, like the roof of your mouth," explains Celeste Hirschman, assistant professor at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.

If after several minutes you're still coming up empty-handed, think of a sexual fantasy — seriously. When you are aroused, the G-spot fills with fluid, making it swell and become larger. "You'll have an easier time locating it if you are turned on," says Hirschman.

One sort of strange tip-off that you've found it: a sudden need to pee. "Because the G-spot is so close to the urethra, touching it often triggers that urgent gotta-go feeling, as if you have to urinate," explains Bat Sheva Marcus, PhD, clinical director of the Medical Center for Female Sexuality. No need to run to the restroom; it's a false alarm. After a few seconds, the urge may pass, and you'll probably soon experience a blooming, heated kind of sensation that becomes more and more intense as you touch and stroke the area.

Continue to experiment on your own with different speeds and pressures. Of course, don't be surprised if you find yourself closer and closer to orgasm. There's no reason to hold back — let yourself experience a superintense G-spot O on your own before you show your man how he can take you there.

Guiding Your Guy to Your G

You know how it took your guy a little trial and error to master your body's other pleasure points early in your relationship? Expect the same with your G. As excited as he'll be to help discover its potential, it's uncharted territory for most men.

The easiest way to start him off: Have him gently slip a finger or two inside your vagina, and then softly feel along your upper vaginal wall. If he is having trouble finding the right spot, encourage him to kiss you or touch your nipples or outer V zone — remember, the more aroused you are, the more your G will stand out, making it easier to locate.

Also consider placing a few pillows under your butt and widening your legs, which will open your vagina more and give him greater access, says Danielle Harel, PhD, professor of sexology at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Once he's hit the spot, ask him to massage it in slow, gentle circles. Try different caresses, such as figure eights or a rapid succession of pulses. The G can take a lot of pressure, so you may want to ask him to press harder.

One G-spot touch technique he definitely should treat you to is tapping. "Have him use just the tip of his finger to tap firmly and repeatedly on your G-spot," says Harel. There's a biological reason for why this feels so awesome, she explains. "The most intense moments of touch along any body part are usually the first few seconds. By tapping, it's as if he's touching your G for the first time over and over again, building waves of sensation that can culminate in an incredible climax."

Sex Moves That Increase G-Spot Pleasure

Woman-on-top is a definite G-spot winner. Think about it: When you're facing your guy yet leaning back at a slight angle, his penis naturally rests against your upper vaginal wall, and even the slightest thrusting means he can easily stimulate your G. Plus, being on top puts you in control of the depth and speed, letting you adjust your guy's penis so his strokes always hit the spot, says Harel.

Doggie-style also offers maximum access, especially if you're lying on your stomach with your legs spread only slightly. "Being on your stomach with your legs close together sandwiches the vaginal walls, so it's almost impossible for your guy's penis not to come in contact with your G-spot," says Herbenick.

And don't discount missionary position. Go with this modified version in which you're on your back with your knees bent and feet resting flat on the bed. Raise your pelvis by propping a few pillows under your butt. Your guy should sit up and enter you so he's thrusting at a slightly upward angle, which gives his penis access to your upper vaginal wall. "This way, you'll feel direct stimulation of your G with each back-and-forth thrust," says Harel.

The Ultimate Trick for G-Spot Bliss

One bedroom trick involving the G-spot tops them all when it comes to a knee-buckling climax: the blended orgasm. This combines G-spot stimulation while you or your guy plays with your clitoris, working up to a double-your-pleasure orgasm. "The nerves of the clitoris extend very close to the G-spot, so reaching peak via the two types of touching at the same time is about as intense as it gets," says Hirschman.

To experience a blended orgasm during foreplay, have your guy caress your clitoris with his fingers while he's massaging your G with one or two fingertips from his other hand. "As you get more excited, lift your pelvis to meet his fingers so you're almost thrusting against his hand," suggests Hirschman. Another toe-clenching move she recommends: "Ask him to flick your clitoris with his tongue while he's manually manipulating your G-spot."

When it comes to achieving blended-O bliss during intercourse, your best bet, again, is woman-on-top. "While you are angling your body so his penis rubs against your G and also supporting your body weight with your hands on the floor, have your guy play with your clitoris," says Harel.

Another blended-O position is doggie-style, with you kneeling low on your knees and forearms and your pelvis lifted off the bed so either he or you can reach your clitoris. Heighten the pleasure even more by having your guy thrust a bit...and then order him to stop so one of you can switch to stimulating your clitoris. Then ask him to resume...but stop again as you brush your clitoris with your fingers.

Finally, when you can't take it anymore, encourage him to stimulate your inside and outside pleasure zones until you surrender to orgasm. "Because you're both involved in bringing you to a blended orgasm, you experience not just deep physical pleasure but a deep emotional connection as well," says Harel.

Boosting the Power of Your G

Practice makes perfect, and that's especially true when it comes to your G-spot. The more you stimulate it and incorporate it into your sex repertoire, the easier it'll be to achieve G-spot nirvana.

Besides having more sex, you can deepen the sensations you feel by regularly doing Kegel exercises. You've heard of these — it's when you contract your pubococcygeus muscles, as if you were trying to stop your urine stream. "Repeatedly doing Kegels will strengthen your vaginal muscles, giving you a tighter grip during intercourse that helps add more pressure to your G-spot," says Hirschman.

Here's how to do 'em: Zero in on the muscle in your pelvis that can stop the flow of urine. Squeeze as tight as you can, hold for 5 seconds, and then release. Repeat 10 times, multiple times a day. Do the exercises during your downtime while stuck in traffic, in the shower, or sitting at your desk at work. Ten minutes of Kegels a day should make your G more responsive.

"The Weird Way I Found My G-Spot"

"While we were messing around, my guy put one finger inside my vagina and then tilted my hips upward with his other hand. That minor change in angle opened me up a bit, so his fingertip was able to brush against my spot. It felt explosive."

—Darcy, 24

"One night, my guy was thrusting extraslowly during missionary. It felt awesome, but then it was like a switch in my body went on, and I realized he was hitting my G-spot over and over with each stroke."

—Deanna, 20

"I was lying on my back and my guy's pointer finger was inside me, palm side up. He was moving his finger as if saying 'Come here, baby.' I felt the tip rub against my vaginal wall and intense pressure build up."

—Sara, 33

"When my boyfriend entered me from behind one night, his penis somehow pointed directly against my G-spot, and the sensation was really intense. This is the only way I can have a G-spot orgasm, and it always makes me scream."

—Tina, 22

Gynecologist Loses License After Having Sex With Patients Who Asked About G-Spots

The Smoking Gun obtained documents showing that a 48-year-old gynecologist brought two of his patients to orgasm in order to show them where their G-spots were. The State Medical Board of Ohio stripped Dr. Kurt Froehlich of his license.

The first time Froehlich sexually assaulted a patient was in 2010. "Patient 1" was a medical professional Froehlich had worked with about three times a month. The first time she came to him as a patient, she waited until after the regular gynecological checkup had concluded to ask questions about arousal and her G-spot. Instead of drawing a picture to demonstrate, Froehlich put a glove back on and "just show[ed] her basically where it is." Froehlich says he "did not stimulate her to orgasm that time."

According to the documents, the next time he met Patient 1, he did stimulate her to orgasm. 

Dr. Froehlich acknowledged that, subsequently, Patient 1 asked Dr. Froehlich to locate her G-spot when they were working in the hospital. Dr. Froehlich acknowledged that he stimulated her to orgasm in a call room of the hospital on that occasion. Dr. Froehlich testified that, approximately one week later, he had a sexual encounter with Patient 1 at the hospital where they engaged in sexual intercourse. Dr. Froehlich further testified that they ended the relationship the following day: "The next day when I made rounds, I just said that she's married, I'm married, we shouldn't be doing this, this is not the person who I want to be; she agreed."

Froehlich's had a "brief relationship" with his second victim after stimulating her in a Besthesda North Hospital room in 2012. Froehlich specifies that they did not have sex, but he gave her an orgasm.

Somehow, one of the State Medical Board members wanted to give Froehlich a one-year probation before he would be allowed to return to medicine, but the majority voted for revoking his license. According to Froehlich's website, he "will continue to provide care through the middle of February."

He also is "sorry that I will not have the opportunity to see all of your families grow and change" and asks that if you see him "out and about, feel free to stop and say hi, and let me know how you're doing."

11 Ways Men Can Make Their Orgasms Even Better

If you learned a killer new workout that made your body feel incredible, you’d likely share it with your friends. But when it comes to sex, men aren’t as liable to trade tips. This is a shame, because most men could use some help in the bedroom, both when it comes to pleasing their partner and making their own orgasms stronger.

Because you're not likely to get much advice from your friends, we spent some time chatting with sexologists and poring over the latest research to see what we could find. In the end, we came up with nine effective ways for men to take their orgasms to the next level. Strap in and listen up.

1. Touch your taint

If you haven’t already been introduced, meet your taint—or your perineum, if we’re getting technical. It’s the strip of skin between your balls and your butt, and it’s a one-way ticket to Pleasure Town. “This area is packed with nerve-endings, so it feels really sensitive,” says Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., coauthor of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy.

Some guys say that by applying pressure to this area, they’re able to have multiple orgasms—which is probably because you can stimulate your prostate gland externally via your perineum. During intercourse or oral sex, ask your partner to place a finger here and press onto it until the pressure feels just right.

2. Do kegels

Take a tip out of your partner's sex playbook. “You know how women do kegel exercises and say it strengthens their vaginal orgasm? Men can do the same,” says Alex Robboy, a sex therapist in Philadelphia.

Essentially, kegel exercises are a way of contracting the muscles of the pelvic floor, which give you greater control and intensity during sex. Try lifting your penis up and down with your muscles, or even try to “write the alphabet with the tip of your penis,” suggests Robboy.

3. Change your diet

Getting in shape will help every facet of your sex life, and part of getting in shape is eating better.

Start with greens. Spinach helps dilate blood vessels, which can increase blood flow to the genitals. Other greens like kale, cabbage, and bok choy are good sources of folate, which helps reproductive health.

Next, make sure you're eating eggs. They're rich in B vitamins, which ease stress and are important for a healthy libido, which means better orgasms.

Finally, get down with some oatmeal. Oats and whole grains are one of the few natural ways to boost testosterone in your bloodstream. More testosterone equals stronger orgasms.

4. Hold back

Delayed gratification can be hard to master, but when it comes to your orgasm, it’s well worth it. A recent study in the Journal of Sex Research advocated “edging,” or the practice of purposefully delaying orgasm for a more intense climax. The study showed that if people paused when they were about 90 percent of the way to climax, and then resumed after slowing down a bit, their eventual orgasm was way more powerful.

It’s an easy way to amp up your game: Bring yourself to the “edge” of your orgasm, slow down, pause, and then start back up again. Try to do this two or three times before letting yourself go.

5. Find your G-spot

It turns out that men have an equivalent to the G-spot: the prostate. You can stimulate it externally by applying pressure to your perineum, but if you’re interested in maximizing pleasure—and you're feeling a little adventurous—you’ll have to do a little anal probing.

Have your partner lube up the soft pad of a finger and stick it about 2 inches inside your butt. You’ll know the spot when you feel it: it’s a small, chestnut-sized lump that feels super sensitive. Once you get there, apply some pressure and light thrusting.

6. Boost your testosterone

The manly hormone that helps you orgasm is the same one that your body produces when you root for your favorite sports team, lift weights at the gym, or watch Game of Thrones.

Research from Athens’ Military Hospital in Greece found that when you have more T in your bloodstream, you’re more likely to orgasm—and do it big. Before your next romp, try some testosterone-boosting activities like going for a run.

7. Stroke your sack

Just before you ejaculate, your testicles rise up near your body to give more power to your ejaculation. “If you press gently upward on the testicles just before ejaculation, it’s likely to be very arousing,” says Goldman.

Ask your partner to place the palm of her hand upward on your balls, moving them a little closer to your body. It’ll heighten your arousal and increase the intensity of your orgasm.

8. Focus on the physical

Sometimes during sex, you’ll get lost in your head—thinking about how hot your partner is, pondering the best porn you’ve ever watched, or even thinking about what’s for dinner. For a better orgasm, return to your body.

Think about it like this: If you’re running, you’ll get a completely different workout if you’re letting your mind wander than if you’re completely concentrating on your form. “Focus on the physical sensation,” says Robboy, and you’ll feel your body responding differently.

9. Just breathe

“This comes from tantric sex, where you’re supposed to move the stroke with your breath,” says Goldman.

Zero in on your breath, and try to slow it down until it’s in tune with your thrusts.

When you’re just about to come, you’ll notice your breathing naturally start to speed up—but keeping it slower will improve the amount of oxygen and blood flow that reaches your genitals, making your climax even stronger.

10. Shorten your refractory period

Mentally, you may want to go for another round after achieving a great orgasm, but most guys physically can't get another erection immediately following sex.

“A refractory period is the time after a man ejaculates when he is no longer able to have an erection,” Emily Morse, sexologist and host of the Sex With Emily podcast, previously told Men's Health. This period is different for every guy and can last anywhere from minutes to a full day.

However, there are ways to shorten this phase, she explains. The best way to decrease refractory time is by increasing arousal.

“This could be doing something different, like trying out a toy or talking dirty (or dirtier than usual). Even small changes can be just the novelty and excitement needed to rev up the engines for round two," she said.

11. Lower your blood pressure

First, you should maintain a low blood pressure for the sake of your overall health. However, keeping your blood pressure low can also help with your sex life. That's because damage from high blood pressure limits blood flow throughout your body–including the penis. This can make it difficult to maintain erections. Plus, high blood pressure is linked to problems with ejaculation and reduced sexual desire, according to Mayo Clinic.